£3.1b
The Royal Bank of Scotland has put aside another load of
money to compensate for all the stuff they’ve been up to. This time it’s a
£3.1b cash pot to cover fines and compensation for PPI(www.consumerkings.co.uk)
mortgage mis-selling, interest rate hedging products, throwing bricks through
its customers windows, forcing those in overdraft to work in an RBS sweatshop
making Sir Fred Goodwin is Great T shirts, mugs, baseball caps and car stickers
and making every RBS customer buy expensive special RBS insurance which covered
them against alien abduction, being trampled in any stampede of people rushing
to see Jesus at his second coming and burglary.
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| HOUSEBREAKERS |
But the burglaries were only
covered if homes were burgled by the house breaking team of Elvis and the Loch
Ness monster.
It has to be asked though, were they running a bank or
running a racket. Even the Mafia said “Wow,they make us look like a of amatuers”.
Was there anything regarding money that they weren’t up to?.
Apparently not. Fixing interest rates, manipulating the foreign currency market
and running the Romanian pick pocketing gangs that blight London. You name it,
they did it.
RBS has announced an £8b loss. This is because 3D printing
is very, very expensive and the cost of every member of RBS staff 3D printing
their bottoms at the RBS Xmas parties has added up to £8b. The Bank could have
saved 99.9% of that total if their staff had just photocopied their backsides
at Xmas parties like normal people do.
In an interview with the BBC the RBS CEO Ross McEwan
explained to Robert Peston why most senior executives would not be receiving bonuses
this year. He took Robert Peston to the window of his office and pointed to a
large group of people standing with pitchforks and burning torches in the RBS
car park.
In 2008 RBS was bailed out to the tune of £46b and is now
80% owned by the taxpayer and Ross admits that it is highly unlikely that the
money will ever be repaid. He did say though that any taxpayer who feels
aggrieved by the never, ever repayment can pop into any branch of RBS and help
themselves to a Sir Fred Goodwin is Great T shirt, mug, baseball cap or car
sticker. You have to feel a bit sorry for Ross McEwan though because he has one
of the worst jobs in the world. It’s up there with Gordon Brown’s smiling
coach, Dave Lee Travis’s agent and the manager of the book shop in Leeds that
only sells Jimmy Saville autobiography.
However some RBS are looking at 200% of their annual salary
bonuses. Only payable to members of RBS staff who weren’t involved in any
shenanigans. Now 200% may sound excessive but collectively if it is paid at all
won’t actually add up to very much. Basically two cleaners at RBS will be
entitled to it, and they are due it because they keep RBS’s Edinburgh HQ
spotless.
