SALES DROP.
Marks and Spencers sales for the three month Xmas period
fell by 2.1%. I’m just guessing but the 2.1% fall could be down to M&S
selling 2.1% less pork and alcohol because the company’s Muslim staff refused
to sell it. Alternatively the drop might just be because M&S just aren’t
that good anymore. In the past when it came to their clothing middle class
women called Fiona only ever bought M&S. That’s all changed and their
female clothing ranges have come in for much criticism for being too frumpy and
only ever purchased by women who want to look 30 years older than they are,
which is no woman at all. Their mans range is even worse and that comprises of
two things, baggy sand coloured chinos and stripey polo tops, which is fine if
you want to look like a banker who dresses casually at the weekends. But who
does? Just bankers, complete bankers.
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| THE ENTIRE M&S GENTS RANGE |
M&S also haven’t really embraced online shopping or as
their CEO calls it “That new fangled interweb net thing”. They have tried but their
online service isn’t that good. I’ve tried ordering the occasional thing only
to receive an email telling me that what they said they had in stock they don’t
and therefore they are apologising for the inconvenience and cancelling my
order. This is despite going back onto their website in which they are still
saying they have thousands of in stock. They do offer the occasional bargain online
but on closer inspection the bargains are in ridiculous sizes such as jeans 36
waist 24 inch inside leg or shirts with a 27 ½ inch collar. I’m sure that’s great if
you happen to have a 36 waist with a 24 inside leg and you need a pair of jeans
to wear on your day off from the circus freak show, but other than
that............
The biggest run up to the festive period loser was Morrison’s
whose like for like sales fell by 5.6%. Out of all the supermarkets they have
the smallest online presence. That accounts for part of their fall in sales but
it’s mostly down to using Ant and Dec in their adverts because people look at
Ant and Dec and think “I can’t believe a word they say because they ripped
people off with their dodgy TV show phone lines”.
So when they say “Morrison’s Xmas pudding is lovely” we all
think “Is it Ant and Dec, is it really?”.
Just as a footnote, Ant has got Dec insured and if Dec dies
Ant will be better off, and Dec has Ant insured and if Ant dies Dec will be
better off. But what if they both die. Then we’ll all be better off.
Not quite sure why Morrison’s hasn’t gone big on online
shopping because they surely must have seen the Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury’s
delivery vans driving about full of produce that customers have bought online.
Online sales that add up to millions. Perhaps Morrison’s just aren’t that
computer savvy and when they hear that everyone seems to have tablets nowadays
they think that this means that people are unwell and are buying lots of
aspirin and co-codamol.
Both aspirin and co-codamol are good for headaches,
especially the headaches Morrison’s have given themselves with a 5.6% drop in
sales.
GOOD TO KNOW.
Pay-outs to seven million people who were mis-sold insurance for their bank and credit cards can now go ahead, following a vote in London.
Customers were asked to approve the proposed compensation scheme, and 98% voted in favour.
The insurance was mis-sold by York-based CPP, which operated through 13 High Street banks and card companies.
Pay-outs are now expected to go ahead later in the spring, although approval is still needed from the High Court.
Policyholders should receive between £100 and £300 each, depending on how long they maintained their policies.
Customers were persuaded to part with £30 a year to insure their bank or credit cards, or £80 for a wider identity protection policy.
But in most cases they did not need such policies, because they were already protected by their bank or card issuer.
In some instances, those who phoned an activation number stuck on new bank cards were directed straight to a CPP salesperson.
As a result, CPP was fined £10.5m in November 2012 by the then Financial Services Authority.
The insurance company has now set aside £65.8m to pay for compensation claims. Others will be paid by the bank or card issuer
FOR MORE INFO CHECK OUT
WEDGIE.
The Daily Mail reported that an ex US Marine killed his
step father by giving him an Atomic wedgie. In other words he killed his step
father by pulling his underpants over his head. Ex Marine Brad Davis now faces
a murder charge after the death was ruled a homicide. Jeremy Paxman who
complained recently about the quality of elastic M&S use in their underwear
has been in touch with Brad to find out where his step father bought his pants
because as Jeremy says “That’s my kind of elastic”
ACCIDENT
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| THE HONEY BOO BOO FAMILY |
The stars of the US reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
have been involved in a minor road accident. Evidently they were driving their
home along the road when they collided with another vehicle.
BARGAINS.
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| WAS £110 NOW £20 |
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| WAS £155 NOW £20 |
