DENNIS RODMAN AND KIM JONG UN ARE BFF'S, AND TODAYS BIG BARGAINS

TODAYS BARGAINS

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RODMAN.

Dennis Rodman took former NBA players with him to North Korea to play a match to celebrate Kim Jung Un’s 31^st birthday. It took him ages to get there, almost 17 hours in fact, a 7 hour flight after 10 hours getting through the airport security with all those metal things stuck in his face.

 He’s facing a lot of criticism but as he explained “Just because someone had their uncle executed by having him stripped naked and ripped apart by starving dogs doesn’t make him a bad person, come on we’ve all done that”.

Actually, no we haven’t. Not that Rodman believes that Kim Jong Un had his uncle executed in that way because surely there are no dogs left in North Korean because the starving North Koreans would have eaten them all.

In an interview with CNN Rodman was asked about and the prison camps holding 120,000 people whose only crime was not clapping Kim Jong Un hard enough. Rodman dismissed this saying “That’s a complete lie; there are not 120,000 people in prison camps, its 119,000, tops”.

When Un turned up in the stadium for the match he was clapped for a full six minutes which shows that Kim Jung Un is as much of a deluded idiot as Rodman because any clapping that goes on after 20 seconds or so just isn’t sincere. Clapping through fear doesn’t count as real applause.

At one point during the interview Rodman screamed to the CCN’s Chris Cuomo “I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think” and everyone in North Korea said “A rat’s ass?, that’s all we’ve had to eat since 2010”

Rodman went on to call Kim a “friend for life” adding that the basketball match was his birthday present to Kim Jong Un. This left Un disappointment because he wanted Jennifer Lopez.

If playing a match wasn’t bad enough Rodman prior to the match sung Happy Birthday to the tyrant. This excited the North Korean because they thought that along with the song there would be a birthday cake and they might get a small slice, but no. It was just the song, sung so badly that he sounded like a bluebottle trapped in the curtains..

 

THE BIRTHDAY BOYS

Rodman has more showcase matches for tyrants planned and next month he’s flying to the UK to play a match to celebrate Unite union boss Len McCluskey’s 64^th birthday.

CANCELLING WITH THE 3 NETWORK

The mobile network 3 has to be the worst for cancelling a contract. To cancel a 3 dongle took me an hour and after I’d stated categorically that I wanted to cancel the contract six times I then started counting and in the space of that hour I stated categorically a further 21 times that I wanted to cancel the contract.

So if you have a contract with 3 and want out of it be prepared for an hour of hard sell before they’ll concede that you do indeed want to cancel and don’t really want or need a lap top or a tablet, or another mobile phone, or another dongle, or extra mobile phones for your close family members, or not so close family members, or casual acquaintances, or people you haven’t even met yet or might do it the future and become so friendly with them that you want to pay for a mobile phone for them in the future.

Once the call centre in India has given up trying to sell you stuff that you don’t want you’ll be told that the tiny small print says that you’ll owe them a month’s rental, even if you are out of contract. 

And they will then tell you the wrong amount, just to be difficult. Like they did with me. You’ll pay them wrong amount then you’ll receive a threatening letter for the 2p that you still owe them. Like they did with me.

Bad as most mobile companies are when it comes to customer service 3 must be one of the worst. Despite boasting a UK Glasgow address as their head office you have as much chance of talking to someone at their UK head office address as those people who monitor signals from outer space have in speaking to intelligent life anywhere in the universe.

Usually when you inform a mobile company that you want to cancel you are immediately transferred to a UK representative, one who understands the subtle nuances of your own dialect. One who doesn’t claim to have the same Christian name as you. Does anyone really believe that when you call a company’s customer service centre in India you just happen to have gotten through to a member of staff who shares your Christian name.

You could tell them any name, even a ridiculous name such as Beyonce or Farter and they will say “Farter, Farter is my name too”.

Could be I suppose because Indian food does have that reputation.

In conclusion, if you are planning on cancelling your contract with 3 it’ll take you an hour of your life that you will never get back.

PROTEST.

With just a month to go before the Winter Olympics President Putin has announced that people will be allowed to protest, but only in a special protest zone. The protest zone is in a Gulag in Siberia.

UKIP.

The BBC website revealed scientists have discovered the unique migration pattern of the red necked phalarope thanks to a small tracking device they attached to group of the birds. UKIP have been in touch with the scientist to inquire if the same technology would work to keep track of Romanians and Bulgarians.