A LOAD OF ABSOLUTE BALLS
In replying to Chancellor George Osborne’s Autumn Statement
Labour MP’s are all agreed that Ed Balls gave the worst performance seen in the
House for decades. His performance was even worse than Chamberlains “I’m just
back from meeting Adolf Hitler and he’s a lovely man, so we’ll be fine”.
Red faced and shoutie the useless Balls refused to
acknowledge the UK’s rising growth and continued to focus on the cost of living
problem. Something, that he knows nothing about because his household has two
MP’s wages, plus two MP’s expenses coming in. Having said that he does know the
cost of shaving foam because he goes through gallons of the stuff daily thanks
to having such a giant fat face. That is balanced out family budget wise
because he doesn’t need very much shampoo because his hair is far too small for
his head. And sadly for him, his hair looks like an ill-fitting wig even though
it isn’t.
Odd that his MP wife Yvette Cooper hasn’t taken his name.
Probably because Yvette Balls and Missus Balls both sound respectively like a
medical procedure for male dogs, and how the dog feels after the procedure.
And, well………..how could the electorate take any politician with the surname
Balls seriously. And taking his surname and broadcasting the fact that she
married him would just highlight just how unsound her judgement is. And if her
judgement is that unsound in her personal life how many bad choices would she
make when given a position of responsibility in Government.
Despite the UK’s growth rising Balls stood up in the House
and insisted that he was right, right, he’s always right to oppose austerity
all along. But Labour MP’s are now questioning if they can get anywhere near to
winning an election with an economic policy which is no more than Balls
insisting that he’s right, he’s right, he’s always right, even when he’s wrong.
According to the Daily Mail the Chancellor branded Balls
speech a “turkey” and went on to rib him about his decision to cancel his grade
three piano exam because it clashed with the Autumn Statement. Eh?
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| MRS BALLS |
Balls is learning to play the piano? I suppose he has to have
something to fall back on when the electorate come to the realisation that he
really doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about and vote him out of office.
He’ll end up annoying passengers in a cruise ships cocktail bar with his
renditions of I Will Always Love You and Moon River. I say cruise ship, but I
mean the Dover Ferry. He’ll probably play the piano like Les Dawson. Yes, but
Les Dawson could play the piano, and only played it badly as a joke. Balls will
just play it badly. Much in the same way that his speech was the political
equivalent of Les Dawson’s bad piano playing, except that Balls didn’t mean to
be so bad. Still it’ll be interesting to see if can still look as smug and be
as arrogant when’s be playing piano with one hand whilst holding the pint of a
passenger whose popped to the toilet in the other.
One Labour MP said “He f***** it up, I was watching it
thinking we are f*****” . Watching,
watching it on the telly, you’d have thought wife would have been there in
person to support him.
So what was Ed Miliband doing while all this was going on? He
was pointing at Balls and mouthing “I’m not with him”, especially when Balls criticised
Osborne’s announcement that primary one and two kids in England and Wales will
be getting free school meals. Balls said “That will make them fat and the
Tories are completely ignoring the obesity problem, shame on them, shame on
them”.
The big question everyone is asking:
can Labour seriously think they have any chance of winning the election when
victory would see Ed Balls as Chancellor of the Exchequer. No one yet answered,
but they will when they’ve managed to stop laughing at the very idea of it.
ARMS.
And more from Nigella Lawson in court.
In extraordinary scenes she was forced to deny that she kept
cocaine in a hollowed out Delia Smith cookbook, that she associated with drug
dealers, and that she had frequently been seen with a runny nose and white
powder on her face.
On the latter, perhaps she has a lot of colds and never seems
to have a glass of water with her when she takes an Askit powder.
. Nigella was asked if she had a drug problem and she replied
“You know as well as I do that regular cocaine users don’t look like this “.
She held up her arms to show that they WEREN’T scrawny, and said “They’re
scrawny and look unhealthy”.
I’m not sure that’s strictly true. Pretty sure millionaire
cocaine users don’t have the same look as non-millionaire cocaine users because
non-millionaires can’t afford to get themselves a tan on a beach on the
Caribbean any time they fancy, and they can’t afford to get lovely nutritious
meals delivered daily in big Waitrose hampers. Therefore Nigella’s statement
really doesn’t bare close scrutiny. Somehow don’t think that athletes at the
Olympics will ever be dope tested using the Nigella System.
