OOH LA LA
Francois Hollande is furious that his “privacy” was invaded
by Closer magazine revealing that he was visiting his mistress Julie Guyet on
the back of a motorbike. He was quizzed at a press conference and answered a
question saying “It gets about six women to the gallon”. The journalist who
asked the question was actually referring to bike’s mileage in petrol economy terms.
And what about his poor First Lady Valerie Trierweller being rushed to the Ryan
Giggs Wing of her local hospital after the news of Mr Hollande’s affair broke.
It’s euphemistically being said that Valerie is being treated with exhaustion.
That could be true because having your stomach pumped can be tiring. Miss
Trierweller isn’t even sure if she still is the First Lady, given what
Frenchmen are like she could be the Sixth or Seventh Lady for all she knows.
The French opposition made the point that the Hollande wasn’t using adequate
protection. I think their argument there is that the last thing France needs
are lots of little Francois juniors running around. Although I might have the
wrong end of the stick here, and by protection they actually talking about
security and not the rhythm method.
Only in France though because could you imagine a British
Prime Minister visiting mistresses on a bike. Not Gordon Brown anyway. Given
how socially awkward he is he doesn’t know any other women other than his wife
Sarah, who he married because she’s the only woman he’s ever talked to ever.
The French aren’t too bothered by Mr Hollande’s affair or
affairs because apparently it’s de rigueur in France. Many things are de rigueur
in France which is probably why ménage a’ trios is a French phrase. Another
reason why the French aren’t particularly bothered is because his approval
rating is only 20%, so they think he’s not to be trusted anyway. So Francois
proving that he can’t be trusted hasn’t come as much of a shock to them.
Hollande said he was “totally indignant”, in a French
accent obviously. Probably because Closer published a photograph of him wearing
a helmet and that wasn’t a good look for him. He didn’t help himself with the
press, well the British press anyway, when he stated that he wanted his privacy
respected, but preceded that statement with a “Listen, I will say this only
once”.
Hollande was asked if Valerie was still the First Lady and
he replied that he’d answer that question on February which he will have to do
because he and Valerie are due to fly to the USA to meet Barack and Michelle
Obama.
After all he can’t take both Julie and Valerie with him can
he because that might be just make it a bit difficult for the Obama’s, especially
when it comes to organising the sleeping arrangements in the White House.
Miss Trierweller announced from her hospital bed that she
was ready to forgive Francois. Really?, seems God loves a Trier, but does
Francois. I suppose she has to because
it’s not as if she didn’t know what he was like. He left his previous amour for
Valerie so you could say that he has previous for that kind of thing.
DON'T MENTION THE NPOWER
It has been revealed that Npower are officially Britain’s
worst energy supplier. The German owned giant saw complaints against them rise
by 25%. That’s eight times more complaints than the best performing energy
company SSE. Npower has a particular problem with billing, which is to say that
they seem just to make them up. I’m sorry I’ll rephrase that, the new computer system
that they’ve just had installed makes the bills up. Npower also announced the
highest price hikes so they just aren’t very nice people, and to top it all off
Npower announced that hundreds or jobs are being transferred from the UK to
Indian call centres and the jobs of thousands of call centre staff who will be
left in the UK are being transferred to a third party companies. Companies no
doubt run by gang masters.
How can someone in a call centre in India understand an
Npower customer’s compliant that thanks to Npower’s inaccurate over charging
they can no longer afford to turn on their heating so they and their family are
freezing? This will just confuse the Indian call centre member of staff who’s
sitting there in Mumbai in 95 degree heat having absolutely no idea what “freezing”
means. Still it was probably never a good idea to let a German company grab a
share in the UK power market, because really, what experience do the Germans
have in lighting up cities in Britain? As it turns out they do have experience
in lighting up British cities. Just ask London, Coventry, Portsmouth and
Clydebank.
So who are the worst? Npower or the Luftwaffe. It’s
probably about even.
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